Anexis Matos

For four days every month,

I get an unwanted visitor.

She never announces herself.

Never knocks on the door.

She’s only too happy

to disrupt my life.

I’m in no physical pain,

but I’m still in pain.

I will be

for many years

because I’m not lucky enough

for her to go away early.

I suppose I can befriend her,

but I hate her.

I only tolerate her

because I have no other choice.

Her first visit

was unknown to me.

It all started

with a few drops of blood

on my underwear.

I don’t remember

feeling wetness.

I don’t remember

its scent reaching me.

Someone

told me about her arrival

a month later.

I grew up knowing about her,

but I understood

she would only offer

physical pain.

My physical pain

is not too bad

if I get any.

It only lasts

a few hours

and it rarely

comes at all.

Since I was forced to be her accomplice,

no one could know about the blood,

so I wore pads for years.

They stuck to my underwear

and were uncomfortable.

They were diapers

that only lasted

four hours.

If they stayed on longer,

the crime scene

would be visible

to whoever was paying attention.

I found another way

to be her accomplice.

Special underwear

covers up the crime

for 20 hours.

At least now

I can pretend

I’m not an accomplice.

For four days every month,

pieces of me

are taken by her,

but my choices

are limited.

I’m forced

to let her take me piece by piece.