Anexis Matos

For years, I identified as a woman. Now, I’m not sure.

I can’t quite remember what I saw on YouTube a few weeks ago, but it got me thinking about my pronouns and gender. My feelings came to the surface quickly after that. My conflicted thoughts. My questions and what I would do to answer them. What would happen when I found my answers.

I’ve never enjoyed being put into a category. Gender has always been something I heavily despise. It’s always meant pressure. I’m a woman, so I have to be, look, and act a certain way. I’m already pressured enough being blind. Why do I need more?

My other thoughts involve gender inclusivity. Although english is a very gender inclusive language, spanish is not. The words are always feminine or masculine. Very few can be said to be inclusive. If I come to a realization, I have to then figure out how to explain things to my parents and other spanish-speaking family and friends. English is so much easier. If I change my pronouns to they/them, I’m aware that, in the spanish language, these words are only plural.

I’m sure I’ll keep discovering more. As of now, though, I don’t have answers. I’m still looking. I’m still trying to understand.